Whether or not this ends up helping anyone else going through the same nightmare known as the Mirena Crash, I wanted to document my detoxing experience. If nothing else, it should prove highly entertaining.
Day 0
Starting weight is 156. My nutritionist advised me to stop eating corn and any foods containing corn, because it is a sneaky migraine trigger. He suspects that I have a corn sensitivity. He also encouraged me to start eating as much cabbage as I can stand, since that is a ‘known’ treatment for migraines. Huh, I didn’t know that. Bye bye cornbread I love so much; hello cabbage in my salad.
Ross The Dog photo bombing an attempted close up of my smoothie powder.
Day 1
The Smoothies taste terrible, but between them and the dozens of highly concentrated food based pills, I feel full. I lost about 5 pounds of water weight, cried all day, and was terribly cranky. I wasn’t very nice to my children, but to be fair, they were kind of acting like assholes too. We had to get groceries at the commissary. It was a death march up and down each aisle, and I required a long nap after all the food was “put away”. Some of the non-perishables are still on the kitchen floor. I don’t care. Although the detox specifies that protein shouldn’t be consumed, I could not make it past 10:00 a.m. without withdrawal hysteria. I also realized by late afternoon that I’d neglected to consume enough calories to support a shih tzu puppy, much less a medium-sized human. Oops! It is hard to keep eating when those pills make me feel so full. I will have to try harder tomorrow.
Ending weight 151
Day 2
I still struggled to eat enough calories. Fighting a nasty head cold and especially cranky, I cried while making coffee, while fixing lunch, and while angrily cleaning my house. I say angrily because while cleaning, I was stewing over my husband’s ‘insensitivity’. The bastard didn’t even have the decency to call me last night and check up on his poor, sick wife. Who ACTS that way?! He was probably bar hopping with his brother all over the California coast, not giving me a second thought. About twenty minutes later I felt guilty for thinking such mean thoughts about him, because he probably will bring back all sorts of gifts from California and present them as a gesture of his undying love and support. Probably? He BETTER. Another twenty minutes passed and I was crying into my green tea while panicking over my phone logs, which indicated that it was I who had to call him two nights ago, PROVING that he didn’t care about my illness or my crazed hormonal state at all. Ah Ha! Is it any wonder he has been avoiding me?
And, hot flashes, cold flashes, sob, sob, sob. My husband did call (and apologized for not calling the night before) and I was mildly icy to him, then I cried after we got off the phone because I miss him. And, hot flashes, cold flashes, sob, sob, sob.
Ending weight 149
Day 3
The girls goofing around in the exam room during another visit to see my physician about my headaches and illness.
My weight is 149 again today, so I think I leveled off a bit after the initial toxin dump. I feel tremendously better today. In fact, I feel so much better that I harbor a feeling of goodwill towards the general public — a huge change! I don’t feel like crying, I don’t have hot or cold flashes, and my stomach doesn’t hurt. Hey, neither does my head (aside from a mild protein withdrawal headache)! I feel…like myself for the first time in months! And do you know what I want to do, folks? Change the batteries in my weather radio and do a supply inventory in the tornado shelter. It’s that time of year! Yep, I am starting to feel much better. The girls went with me to another follow-up for my migraines, and I got a referral to see an endocrinologist. My physician is interested in the results of the detox and asked me to keep him posted.
Day 4
Sick, sick as a dog! I have some kind of virus running rampant through my body. I had to halt the detox for a day of chills, thrills, and frequent visits to the porcelain throne. It was uneventful other than a very sweet card made by my youngest child, wishing me speedy recovery. My ending weight is 148, mostly from dehydration and lack of food. I can’t even think about food right now, much less the detox…maybe tomorrow.
—G
A Get Well card from my daughter — so sweet!
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A Pioneer's Journey 
This sound horrible. I wish you a speedy and complete recovery!
Thank you for the kind words. I am looking at a long healing process, but staying optimistic about my choice of natural detox, and trying to enjoy the rather humorous circumstances that tend to throw themselves at me.
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