Facebook features | A Pioneer's Journey

This is dedicated to a good friend who was inadvertently caught in the crossfire of a really stupid “discussion” on Facebook this week. Names have been changed for humorous purposes.

Today’s lesson is: Don’t be a dick to my friends on Facebook (I won’t abide it).

Dear Diary, today I was a huge cock…

So this is my life, weird but true. Yesterday my husband demanded that I unfriend (on Facebook) an obscure in-law because he indirectly (and then directly) insulted a close friend of our family and also her son, who just so happens to be my ex boyfriend from high school. Just a typical Sunday morning at our house… Here is the story, coffee around the table style. Me: “I ‘Liked’ a picture that had special significance to me, simple as that. Next thing I know, I’m in a “discussion” with this condescending person who I don’t think I’ve ever met!” Hubby: “Just unfriend him, he will only cause problems.” Me: “It gets worse. Mrs. D was offended by some inflammatory comments he made. Rather than just stop posting, he began directing the comments at her, and then he managed to also insult her son.” Hubby: “He did WHAT?! Oh you unfriend him right now. No one insults ‘Dirk’!” Me: “Yeah! Wait, what?” Then things just got weirder.

Why my husband cares so much about a dude that I dated 15 years ago…well that’s really more of a Bro Code Army thing but it added to the sweet, sweet awkwardness. The hubby, very emotional about the whole ridiculous mess, was flailing around yelling “Who is he to say anything judgmental at all about a true American hero!!” But the hubby’s right — you don’t harass the mother of a war hero, especially when — now lean in — you’re a total stranger!!! Okay, so here I am with a husband who seems to have a man crush on my ex boyfriend and a justifiably angry mom/friend on one side, and this random pretentious in-law from hell on the other. What to do?

I tried to shut down the conversation. Nope, diplomacy made it worse. I considered my husband’s demand and the consequences of allowing this relative who I don’t even know to run rampant all over my Facebook posts obliviously bedeviling my other friends. Yikes! Then I remembered how my old boyfriend, by then a brother in arms, would come visit me at my camp in Iraq in 2003 when he wasn’t busy kicking insurgent ass (and also probably being awarded medals of valor). His reputation is above contempt and his character is certainly above scrutiny or snide remarks from a total stranger on Facebook. A comment and link addressing PTSD, presumably for ‘educational purposes’ was waiting for me when I logged back in. Oh…HELL no! People, don’t give unsolicited advice about PTSD to veterans or to the parents of soldiers, especially after you have already pissed them off! Clearly this guy couldn’t take a hint.

I said to myself “No, I don’t abide this kind of bullshit at all!” and I unfriended the obscure relative, explaining why (ie: you have managed to insult one of the world’s finest soldiers and his mother, therefore welcome to my shit list). I apologized profusely to the mom/friend who got caught up in the whole mess, and she was very gracious about it. After all, the fact that she and I have been friends for about fifteen years accounts for something! Good, lasting friendships are hard to find and worth fighting for, even if it means cutting loose the people that hurt our good vibes…and allowing our husbands the occasional man crush (‘Dirk’ is pretty awesome). Yep, we do things for our friends.

If you take nothing else from this story, please remember two things:

1) Don’t be a dick on Facebook.

2) If your husband seems to have a man crush on your high school boyfriend, (I know it’s weird) just go with it. Men never have made sense to me.

— G

Afterword: Normally I wouldn’t include additional information to a published post unless it proved crucial, but in this case there has been abundant interest expressed outside the blog, compelling me to provide extra explanation.

All kidding aside about my husband having a man crush on a former boyfriend, this particular person is a treasured friend who was one of my biggest cheerleaders during crucial times in my life. When I joined the National Guard he strongly supported my urge to serve. After he joined the Army he told me that I was one of the people who inspired him to do so, stating that if I could do it then so could he. Not many high school sweethearts go their separate ways and remain friends, but I have always felt that he was there as a comrade many times through my life. The fact that my husband has tremendous respect for this person speaks volumes about his character and the friendship that has endured for many years after our high school days.

It pained me greatly to see this friend and his mother, also a very dear family friend, put under a microscope on a public forum by a total stranger with an elitist attitude. In our family we have one rule that encompasses all rules: “Do the right thing.” Once that rule was applied to the situation, it was not difficult to decide how to handle the rude stranger. In the two days since, many memories of my old friend have come flooding back. Truth be told, I haven’t really thought of him much in years, mostly because I know he is doing well, and also because I really like my husband (I love him too!). But he really was there for me, even when I didn’t want him around. And I know that he looked out for me at times when I didn’t even realize it. Because of him, my National Guard unit was much safer during our deployment in Iraq. I will always treasure his friendship and hold tighter to my friendship with his mother.

So, as I said before, all joking aside, this was a matter of doing the right thing to show respect for friends who have always been there for me and my family. We do what is right and we look out for our own.

People You Need To Unfriend On Facebook Immediately (buzzfeed.com)
7 Types Of People Who Deserve An Immediate Facebook Unfriending (makeuseof.com)
Facebook Doesn’t Want You To Know Who Unfriends You! Do You? (socialfixer.com)

Just when I thought I had gotten the hang of Facebook, I was turned into a giraffe because of a silly riddle!

Being on Facebook the last few weeks has been an incredible learning experience. Besides being an inexpensive and lightning quick means to connect — and reconnect — with old friends and scattered relatives, Facebook is also a source for the hilarious, ridiculous, and yes, often annoying paraphernalia that seems to keep our culture rolling. So my most recent challenge has been to ‘develop’ my persona through my timeline and create an image of what I want to communicate to friends. I don’t want to become that lady who constantly posts every asinine thought on the status line: “don’t you just hate it when you have your coat on and you’re ready to head out the door to go to work and suddenly you have to poop really bad?” Or “Hey gals out there, anyone else on the rag today? Let’s start a club! We can call ourselves the Menstrual Mommas! LOL!!!” Or “Got back from work and immediately unbuttoned skirt but was too lazy to take it off so just safety pinned it to my tights so it would be looser while I ate my stir fry on the couch.” Actually I really am doing this right now. It was an issue of time; the stir fry wasn’t going to wait and the skirt was digging into my waist. Yeah, I have thought this through carefully because while I didn’t see anything nearly this gross or stupid (yet) on Facebook, I really don’t want to subject my Facebook friends to any of my crazy. The neighbors get to see enough of it.

When I expressed consternation about wanting to learn to use Facebook properly, my sister gave me a quick crash course in the Dos and Don’ts according to her. She has been on Facebook for years now, has seen it all, and has some great advice to share. So, without further ado, these are my sister’s Facebook rules for Dumb Me and any other Dummies out there.

Facebook is what you want it to be. Your Facebook page is your own, you post and share the content that you want. You can project the persona that you choose. You can use Facebook to stay in touch with friends and family, show off cherished photos, promote a business, post news and political opinions, or even be ‘that person’ ranting about things that bother you, if you want. Your page is your space to create the image that you want to show the world, and what you post will be thrown out there for the world to see. That being said…
You are not obligated to get into a fight with someone on Facebook if you disagree with their content. There are many reactionary options when encountering content you don’t like, but the first option does NOT need to include inflammatory replies or online harassment. My sister has had problems in the past when friends saw something that another friend posted on her timeline, didn’t like it, and took it upon themselves to harass the friend through her Facebook page. Keep in mind, these people didn’t personally know the ‘friend’ they were harassing, and it became very ugly. So I reiterate: there are a lot of things that we see online everyday. It is easy to find things to dislike. Unfortunately the Internet is making it so much easier to make personal attacks from behind a computer screen. So my sister’s advice in a nutshell: you don’t have to ‘Like’ everything; you also don’t have to attack what you dislike.
Don’t believe everything you read on the News Feed. I have already had this conundrum. I cannot stress this enough, if you find something in the feed that seems really intriguing, that many people have liked and commented on, often vehemently, and something about the story seems off, check it on Snopes.com to verify before you make a comment. It will prevent you from A) looking like an ass for spreading a rumor and B) getting worked up over something that isn’t true, or C) it will prove that the story is true and worth your getting fired up. Then comment all you want.
Be proud of what you post and own it. My sister and I actually have diverging thoughts on this. My thought is that I don’t plan to put anything (hopefully) on Facebook that I wouldn’t be proud to show my grandmothers. My sister on the other hand told me “I am actually shocked that some people haven’t un-friended me because of the horrible shit I have put on Facebook.” After this I am going to go look at her timeline and see what she’s talking about. But the point is, whether it is sweet, family oriented content that would make Grandma chuckle or X-rated shenanigans that would make Mormons cry, you have to really own your content. From the time you click that ‘Post’ button, you are affirming a responsibility for the content, so know what you are doing.

I want to thank my sister for taking the time to give me her perspective on Facebook and sharing her tips for usage. I will be a giraffe until Thursday because I overestimated my intelligence on the Facebook riddle this morning and had to change my profile picture. Another example of stupid-fun things in the news feed…

—G-Raffe